tears

Betsy gave me the book Prayer by Richard Foster. These quotes and the following prayer are taken from it...

Tears are like blood in the wounds of the soul

- Gregory of Nyssa

Whoever wishes to advance in building up virtue will do so through weeping and tears

- Abba Anthony

Oh Lord, how do I let go when I am so unsure of things? I'm unsure of Your will and I'm unsure of myself... That really isn't the problem at all, is it? The truth of the matter is I hate the very idea of letting go, I really want to be in control. No, I need to be in control, That's it, isn't it? I'm afraid to give up control, afraid of what might happen. Heal my fear, Lord.

How good of You to reveal my blindspots even in the midst of my stumbling attempts to pray. Thank you!

But now what do i do? How do I give up control? Jesus, please teach me your way of relinquishment.

I read this prayer this morning and it searched my soul. What holds me, us, back from the freedom of complete trust in God? Is it the uncertainty of life? of jobs and finance, of living situations and relationships and health? Or is it that we want control? we want to be prepared for hurdles and shocks? Is it sometimes one more than the other? Is it a blurr of both? Are we afraid of uncertainty?

is this too meaningful for this blog?

i'm sorry.

but not really.

mess

Last night, I attempted to make a pecan crust. It turned out soupy, so I made it into a crumble topping for an apple pomegranate crisp.

I made an apple marzipan galette, too.


When cleaning everything up, I poured a bag of (raw organic) sugar all over the counter, my pants, socks, and the floor.

"I am such a mess."

I sighed.

Ellen asked me, "Did I tell you I used the blender to make dinner last night?"

"no?"

"Well I was unaware that when you blend something you have to hold the lid down..."

Creamy white wine sauce splattered all over the kitchen.

:)

Why are we so afraid that others will see how messy we are?
Do we really think that they are less of a mess?

I hear about the splatter, and yet, my idea of Ellen has in no way fallen to the depths of kitchen doom. She's my really really good friend and her messiness will never change that.
So in hearing of her mess, and knowing my high esteem for her, I look at my mess with less self-deprecation. It's not comparison. It's the domino- effect of grace.

on school

While writing my take-home midterm last night, I erased the same line about five times just because I had copied things incorrectly. But one of my favorite pieces of advice is:

Don't be afraid to erase your mistakes

It's true in school, which is why I tend to use pencil whenever possible and carry a large eraser .
It's also true in other areas of life. Though it's harder to actually remove the marks we have made, apologizing, fessing up is one of the most admirable things someone can do. It shows loving respect. Professional mistakes, the first of which is screwing up interviews (done that) are even harder to erase. So rejoice in that eraser!!!


Marian said earlier this week as we were talking about school... "it's an adventure in unfairness".
YES: careless mistakes which cost points, cut throat competition, curves.
bad posture, pre-arthritic hands, sleep problems, _____ you can add your own lamentations here.
When will I be finished with this!?!?!?!